Bone, Jeff Smith

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Bone, Jeff Smith – I kept reading about what a great comic Bone is, so I thought I should read it for myself. Turns out, it is very good! The three Bone cousins – pretty funny; the humans – noble; the dragons – mysterious; the monsters – damn cool; the villains – disgusting; the backstory – confusing; the art – amazing; the dialogue – not too bad. the role models – Star Wars and Lord Of The Rings. Great stuff.

I got the 1,333 page full black-and-white volume, so I can read it all in one go, which is good fun. The bloody thing weighs two kilos!! It’s a big chunk of wood pulp!! Ultimately, of course, the story is not entirely satisfying, and there’s a fair amount of aimless wandering, one huge error (involving Kingdok’s missing tongue, which was sacrificed for a “cat got your tongue” visual pun, only to re-appear briefly when he talks clearly during one confrontation); the character of Phoney Bone (and the reason for him being hunted by the Hooded One) is a weak point in the book as well. Smith also has a knack for not bothering to name his characters – only one of the dragons has a name, and it’s not the one we see the most often (the red dragon); another character is the Hooded One, and the monsters are simply called “rat creatures” or “hairy men” (which is doing them a disservice, as they are incredibly fluid and expressive). Having two characters with very simlar names (Fone Bone and Phoney Bone) is also kind of lame. Early on there’s a hint that Phoney Bone and the Hooded One are already acquainted, but nothing comes of this (maybe it was my imagination…). There’s also a lot of falling off cliffs with very few bones actually being broken… but hey, you can’t have everything, and these are minor points in a really great success.

The story starts with the Bone cousins (three weird-looking orphan creatures – one greedy, one goofy, one noble), goofing around on a plateau, having been run out of their home-town of Boneville by their fellow townsfolk. Very soon they are knocked into a valley by a herd of locusts (this is part of a grand plan, which only comes to light mid-way through the book), where they meet dragons, humans, and rat creatures. They meet Thorn, who is a princess, and Rose, who is a warrior queen, and get mixed up in all sorts of village intrigues (cow racing), make friends with forest creatures (like Ted the bug, and the possum family), while escaping being eaten by the amazing rat creatures (check out the running quiche joke). I fact, there’s a lot of saving-people-from-the-sharp-teeth-and-chomping-jaws-of-the-rat-creatures throughout the whole book, and a few confrontations with the Hooded One… at least until the giant cat Roque Ja (rock jaw) shows up… not sure why he shows up, actually… Thorn is cool and beautiful… love her. There are long scenes of domestic chore-doing, of Phoney Bone’s scheming and money grubbing, and early on there are sweet scenes of Fone Bone’s love for Thorn. Then there’s the dreams – bizarre and trippy. Love them. There’s peculiarly innocent intrigues at the Spring Fair (Thorn falls for a hunky hawker), then there’s funny Ren and Stimpy-like scenes with inbred local villagers planning on whether to bet on Grandma Ben’s running or the Mystery Cow, which no one’s seen. Fone Bone’s lame love poems are hilarious. And there are plenty of household chores to be done. Wow. Weirdness in Barrelhaven as Lucius competes with Phoney Bone for popularity, Grandma Ben gets “the gitchy feeling”. Our friends confront the rat creatures and Kingdok in the forest, and there’s more great comic relief with the two rat creatures. Then it starts to get complicated as the plot kicks into gear – Thorn fights with Grandma Ben, Phoney Bone becomes the evil boss of Barrelhaven, the Lord of the Locusts shows up, there’s the appearance of a baby rat creature (kind of a Dobby moment, but much better), evil dreams, The Hooded One conferring with the Lord of the Locusts, crazy armies, a one-armed Kingdok’s frustrations, and Phoney Bone’s phony dragonslaying and treasure. Fone Bone reads Moby Dick to the enemies, they fall asleep, ha ha. Forest orphans help our heroes escape the nutty Roque Ja (awww… cuuuuute!!!), tunnels through the mountain are discovered, there’s a haunted and evil dragon temple, and a nutty temporary alliance between the orphans and the rat creatures as everyone escapes from a furious Kingdok. Debating happiness with Roque Ja, then Kingdok’s betrayal of Roque Ja (“here is your reward – chomp!!!”) and all that results of it, forest escapes, rat patrols, teams breaking apart and joining up again (which also reminds me of the Lord of the Rings voyages, upon which this tale seems clearly to be modeled – the reanimated Briar even looks a little bit like Gollum!), locusts appearing, an evil ceremony with the Phoney Bone blimp, rescues, reunions, people getting cut in half at the waist, reanimation, and the start of the war. The third section of the book is all about these big battles (as is the third section of Lord Of The Rings – The Return Of The King). The Bones are randomly turned into characters from Moby Dick (why?), the land is blasted into ash as the Dreaming invades “reality” and spreads ghost circles, marking the partial return of the Lord of the Locusts. Wow! It’s like a video game!! Wild ‘n’ wacky dreams (Moby Dick, history, etc), more rat patrols, stepping through the ghost circles, hearing ghosts, meeting magicians, remembering youth histories, narrow escapes in the dragon’s graveyard, sneaking into town, trust and mistrust, the crown of thorns, more dreams, the battle of Atheia, the tyranny of Tarsil the head of the Vanu (and his tale of taking on the dragons), Thorn jumping out of the fort, flying over enemies, Fone Bone sneaking through rat creature hordes clinging to Bartelby’s stomach (like the Argonauts did!!), quiche for the traitorous two rat creatures (to convince them that the city can last any long siege), Kingdok’s battle with Thorn, Lucius confronting Briar, the zap of the universe, the wrath of the dragons, the treachery of the red dragon, and the finale. Weird awards ceremony scene at the end, like in Star Wars Episode IV, and then the parting of ways, like the end of the Lord Of The Rings. And Phone Bone is once more denied a treasure. Strange. But funny and fun, and a great yarn full of adventure and excitement. What more could you ask for?

Strangely, one thing is missing – the conference of the dragons and their refusal to help. Wonder why we hardly see any more dragons than we do (and when they all come out at the end it’s a bit anti-climactic – we hardly know more than one of them, and there are soooo many!!).

The art is amazing, and in many ways mirrors what Tezuka Osamu did with his Phoenix stories – tales of mortals, history, iconography, religious monument and legend, dreaming and fantasy, mystical creatures. Very nice. Smith also does funky things with repetition and subtle change, love that a lot. It’s all black and white, as originally presented, although I know that there are colorised versions of Bone around.

Funnily enough, there’s a Herman Melville connection – Fone Bone carries a copy of Moby Dick around with him wherever he goes (why Moby Dick?), he becomes a major advocate of the tale of the White Whale in several scenes in the book, and when Smiley Bone adopts a baby rat creature he calls him Bartelby (the Scrivener – get it?).

Weird how Ted appears often throughout the book, but his brother, a giant leaf bug, comes into the scene in the opening pages but then never re-appears – it was a great sight gag at the time, and we could have done with more of Ted’s brother. Oh well…

Funny how the book has 1,334 pages, and the review does too!!

It's platonic, actually...

It's platonic, actually...

Great physical comedy

Great physical comedy

Love those rat creatures...

Love those rat creatures...

Still love those rat creatures...

Still love those rat creatures...

Smiley isn't as funny as he should be, but I love his reaction here

Smiley isn't as funny as he should be, but I love his reaction here

Thorn's mother appears

Thorn's mother appears

This is one big book!

This is one big book!

Bone: 9 inches, 1.8 kilograms of reading pleasure

Bone: 9 inches, 1.8 kilograms of reading pleasure

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